My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
