Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
