no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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