I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This girl is more easily done than said...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The Olympian is in my bed
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