So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
