you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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