Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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