So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize