All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
