just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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