I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Even my vagina gasped.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
