just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
