The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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