are you still at the devil's house?
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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