WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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