Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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