my mouth tastes like poor choices
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
