When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
