dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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