I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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