a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
