Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
