i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
