I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
