Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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