There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
