Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
