he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
