3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think i have two assholes
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
