Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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