is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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