i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
