Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize