new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
