I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
