He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
