Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
