lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
