So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
