I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
