There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
