How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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