I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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