Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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