yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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