I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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