the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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