he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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