He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I want her autograph on my taint
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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