I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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