dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
