I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
