I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
