I want to walk on stilts...naked
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
