What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
