I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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