I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
