dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
