i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
