We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I want a musical about memes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize