did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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