He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
