my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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