Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize