He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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