Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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