I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
