I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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