And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
