i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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