I'm going to jail i love you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
