it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
