Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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