How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
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I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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