I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
