I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
