Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
do nipples grow back?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize