You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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