If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
