I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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